oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Green mimosas i think yes
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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