mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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