You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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