Just cropdusted the office
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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