Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
