You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
