I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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