Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
