Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
