Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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