Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
