I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
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