That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
