If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
