please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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