i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
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