so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
