So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
