Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
