I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
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