So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
