well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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