Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
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