I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
