Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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