i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
