you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
