I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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