walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
