I didn't shave. On purpose
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
