ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
The beer is more important than you right now.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
