Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Just invented taco cereal.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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