he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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