good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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