U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
