You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
