when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
