Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
