Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
