it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
