Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
