it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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