Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize