I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
