it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
