Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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