theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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