Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize