I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Randomize
