I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize