I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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