my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
