made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize