I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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