Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I just gift wrapped bread.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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