I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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