She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
