I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
