it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
he was CRYING into my vagina
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
