Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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