He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
