OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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