so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
