when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
