A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Farmville is her only friend.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
