wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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