no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Randomize
