i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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