why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
