dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
