Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
