I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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