I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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