yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
so that wasnt chicken after all
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Congratulations! We have a period
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
