So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Randomize
