I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
