fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
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