This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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