Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
