So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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