When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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