did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
It's just like the Real World with babies
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
And then my night got REAL pukey
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
