pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Randomize
