I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i just wanna soil my oats bro
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
They took my balls.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
